Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize