White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I love you. Go after that dick
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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