I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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