oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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