girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The power of my boobs compel you
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