Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
