After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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