dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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