I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize