no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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