Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
