he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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