Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
