Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
