i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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