Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
