i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
