you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
