We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize