Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize