He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
