I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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