drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
