i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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