It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize