you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
