i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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