It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
