my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
