Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She just used a chaser for red wine.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
