Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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