i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
