guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize