I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
