The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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