next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
