Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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