You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
