who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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