I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize