last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
