"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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