You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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