I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
