I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
