Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
