ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
