we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
