my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Randomize
