Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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