it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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