$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
