He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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