Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
As shirtless as possible
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
