Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
