I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
