I accidentally had phone sex last night
this boner is exhausting
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
