I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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