I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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