I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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