I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
