someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
