its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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