My liver just broke up with me...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
