It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
