carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
