Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
