You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
