do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
